I'm drowning.

A few days ago, the doctors found something that was potentially cancerous. I'm scared. I'm lonely. I'm distracted.

I can't focus like I used to be able to. And I'm shooting for a 3.8 because I, like everyone else, want to transfer into Gies at the end of this year.

This semester has been one of the most mentally tough periods of my life. I am exhausted but have to keep going in these classes. All my classes are asynchronous and I am just alone.

I wish I had friends, I wish I was smarter, I wish my professors were more empathetic. I wish Gies wouldn't set such impossible standards during a mf pandemic. And I wish that there wasn't a mass of unexplained cells in me.

But life moves on, with or without me. And I've chosen to stay strong and to keep holding on. I am going to fight this, even if it's the last thing that I do. I have to.