Yeah no duh.

I think for my generation, "racist" is one of the worst things you can call someone. It's something extreme and old-fashioned - something that belongs to KKK members and the old days of the Civil Rights movement, not us. And so when we notice racism within ourselves, there's a high incentive to ignore it, or phrase it as "preferences" and "cultural differences". This allows us to be racist and not feel bad.

Here's a semi-related anecdote. The other month, my good friend and I went out dancing. On our way back, we were chatting about the club and my friend said, "Yeah, I felt really racist being there" in this joking way. I asked her what she meant. She said, "Well, there were some black guys there dancing around us, and I was thinking, even if they came up to me, they would have no chance, right?"

I was shocked. She's friends with me and I'm a visible minority. She's half Middle Eastern herself, has plenty of non-white friends, supports equal rights for everyone, whatever. She should have known better, yet she clearly didn't. In that moment, race was an O.K. reason to turn someone down. In that moment, I, an ethnic minority, was an O.K. person to confide in about how she wouldn't dance with another ethnic minority. It was so awful I didn't know what to say. I mumbled something about how the black dudes there were as cute as anyone else (true, but not helpful) and went home.

If I had just met her I would have probably cut her out, but we've been friends for five years and I really valued our friendship. So, later that week I casually brought up how I feel about my own ethnic background and how it can sometimes be quite horrible to be a visible minority. She really listened, said she had no idea I felt that way. It seemed like a lightbulb went on. A few weeks later we marched together in the Eric Garner protests, and I thought about what she said that night we went out, but I didn't bring it up again.

A person's moral calculus is complex. Studies show that when a person makes a non-racist choice, that helps them establish themselves in their minds as being free of prejudice, and they actually feel more comfortable making racist choices later. So you get people like my friend who are young, liberal-minded, have non-white friends, and march in solidarity with progressive causes, but still allow themselves to harbor racist feelings. That's perfectly common. In fact, it's more the norm than not.

And now I have no idea how to sum up this monster post. But I am optimistic about the future of my generation. I do think progress is slow, and there's only so much I can do as one person to help that along, but things are changing, and a lot of people want to change too.

They just need a push. Or an opportunity. I truly believe it. I have to believe it.