Well I had my miscarriage in December on the 20th so I guess saying last year was silly even though it was. I don't think it will ever be easier in the sense that I don't get sad. I speak for myself when I say this, I don't want you to think I'm thinking this is how you feel, but what made it harder was that I didn't know if I wanted to have the baby and I kept going back and forth with it and when I lost it-it felt devestating. I never planned on abortion I just mentally kept questioning it. I also never wanted kids, but after that I realized I did very much want a family some day. I'm sure a lot of the sadness after was the fact that I felt I was disappointing my boyfriend because he was so excited and happy.

What makes it less emotional is the fact that in the first trimester all women have that 40% chance of miscarriage and knowing that the pregnancy ended because it may not have been viable or something was wrong helps me cope. I wonder why me, but slowly every day I feel a little more normal and I can talk about it. It was harder for me because I hadn't told many people. I was really trying to just act like nothing happened which eventually got me.

It also helps that my boyfriend is very supportive and is willing to listen and was able to eventually tell me how he felt. He was devestated. I guess that's the thing you don't feel so alone. And we knew it wasn't the most ideal time so it was a comfort that we now knew we wanted to take that step and we could plan for it.

I guess that's the thing if you try not to talk about it much or not acknowledge it when it does come up the sadness is going to stick around longer. There is no expiration on sadness. I did read many articles and quotes to accept it. I read one that really stuck because she focused on the positive notes of what miscarriage brought to her life. I'll look for the link.

I also bought this little open heart necklace with 1 single rhinestone to remember what I lost. It helps the sadness for me. Therefore it's always at the forefront of my day. I also wrote about it and was able to lighten some of the guilt and sadness I felt. To finally let go of how hard miscarriage was for me through writing about the experience helped.