I appreciate this post. However, I want to say that I don’t believe anyone chooses to be abusive. It comes from a place of something being broken within them. I agree it is up to those of us diagnosed with BPD to manage the disorder and it’s not an excuse to continue being abusive or lashing out, but I feel my worst tendencies are a result of the disorder. I’m working on regulating and controlling it, but I find it disheartening when someone says “BPD isn’t why you’re being abusive, you’re just choosing to be that way.” I didn’t choose to be this way. It’s on me to change it and not inflict my disorder on others, but my disorder (stemming from deep trauma) is the cause of these dysfunctional tendencies. It’s a dialectic to say that BPD can be responsible for these tendencies while not being an excuse to perpetuate them.