It's fucked.

Punishment hasn't been a positive thing in our household. My dad use to moderately physically abuse us for punishment. I think he has an anger problem. He use to get so angry at us and hurt us.

Then that stopped when we got older (sad he obviously stopped when he realised we were old enough to know that it wasn't right, and I could actually fight back - loved preying on the weak).

So that's kind of made things all a bit shit. I'm angry at him for doing that to me, I'm sure she in her own way is too. Now he just turns off the internet. But even when that happens she has fits, and breaks things and screams and just doesn't stop. What do you do when a child is literally ruining your house? Dunno.

I can't handle her saying the shit she does. I cannot. Like I said, it's really hurting me, and actually fucking up my mental health - I feel like I'm going nuts. I have to go downstairs to get food.

I like to go downstairs and sit with my beautiful dog. I like to sit down there in the fresh open space with my mum and watch a bit of TV. But I barely do that now because of her. I have to stay in my tiny room.

I have 1 year to go. I just need to get through this year. Then I get to go to university. I'll probably have to move out. Cost a lot of money that I don't have nor do my parents. But I guess I will. It would be nice to just stay at home through university, like every single person I know (I'm in Australia, we have uni not college, where most kids I know just live at home) and save some money. But I'm going to go live on campus and make some friends since I have 0 now.

My sister makes fun of me for that. I usually don't care because I'm glad I didn't peak in high school - I'll peak in life. Yet she tries to drag me down. I do distance education because of my pain issues - so that doesn't help in this situation. But I did it because I want to actually be able to complete my last year - and get a good enough mark to get into university.

I don't have a lock, wish I did, but whatever. My parent's are getting a divorce and we have to sell the house anyway.

I'm trying so hard, and will have to. It's the going out of her way and attacking me (verbally) that hurts me and pulls me down. I try so hard to keep afloat. It's hard to walk past her and hear her scoff in a mockingly way - literally every time I walk past her.

But I will try. Ignoring, avoiding.

Like I said, it's just hard when she gets to go everywhere in the house - and I have to lock myself away.