Sorry for what's about to be kind of a long winded answer for you, but recently I was kind of struggling with the behavior of my parents. They have a pretty toxic, verbally & emotionally abusive relationship, and even though I moved away it sort of followed me here via phone calls, text messages, visits, etc. Their behavior became this dark rain cloud that followed me to work, to my son's soccer games, to holiday parties with my sister, and I found some help in the form of an Al-Anon pamphlet about how to stop allowing a person's alcoholism ruin your life.

For me, if I just remove the parts about drinking and replace them with dysfunctional behavior, and then it makes a lot of sense. I didn't eliminate my parents, or the friend from my life, I just have boundaries that I don't need to explain or justify to anybody. Anyhow, the info below is copy & paste. It helped me a lot.

Living with the effects of someone else’s drinking behavior is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In Al-Anon we learn individuals are not responsible for another person’s disease behavior or recovery from it. We let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights; lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves.

IN AL-ANON WE LEARN:

• Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people;
• Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another’s recovery;
• Not to do for others what they could do for themselves;
• Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink;
• Not to cover up for anyone’s mistakes or misdeeds;
• Not to create a crisis;
• Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events. Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. It is simply a means that allows us to separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another person’s alcoholism behavior can have upon our lives. Detachment helps families look at their situations realistically and objectively, thereby making intelligent decisions possible.