My (26F) boyfriend (32M) always lectures me (2 years)

Hon, my husband was career military until an injury forced him to retire early. He's never spoken to me like that, because he sees me as his partner, not his subordinate.

What you're describing sounds like verbal abuse to me. I'm not saying he's an abuser in general or that you need to flee the relationship, but don't downplay these incidents, either.

Since you say things are otherwise good, I'd sit down with him when you are both calm and talk about it. Tell him that his "lectures" don't do anything but make you feel bad about yourself and your relationship, and that you want to work on other methods of communication. Maybe suggest a few sessions of couples' counseling to set up communication strategies for when one or both of you is really upset.

And on your own, work out an exit plan for the next time this happens. Figure out in advance where you'll go and how you'll get there, as well as when you'll leave (eg. 5 minutes into him haranguing you, or after you request that he stops and he refuses, or the first time he gives you an order like "stand up straight"). Again, since you say the rest of the relationship is good, I'm not suggesting a permanent exit. Just, you know, figure out a Starbucks where you can go and hang out for a bit, or talk to a trusted friend or family member and ask if you can stay with them for a few hours or maybe overnight. Talking and crying obviously doesn't help in the moment, so your only other recourse is to remove yourself from the situation and then talk again when things calm down. I find it helps to have a plan in mind rather than just expecting yourself to draw appropriate boundaries and come up with a plan in the heat of the moment.

/r/relationships Thread