A great relationship doesn't mean its perfect.. I don't think porn is a deal breaker. It has never been a deal breaker. I just want him to be honest with me. I tell him how I feel, he tells me he disagrees. The problem (to me) is that he told me he thinks its cheating, and isn't comfortable with me doing it.

I've had this stance on porn from when I was thin, and when I got thicker. I've never swayed my opinion based on how I feel about myself. I'd like to say I'm open minded about a lot of things when it comes to sex, but I happen to be uncomfortable with porn.

If he chooses to do it anyways, its his right. I will never deny him or guilt him.

My problem is that we talked about it a few days or weeks ago. He said (like he has a few times before) he doesn't want me to watch it. I think "ok so we're on the same page.." And then after having troubles keeping it up he tells me he used porn last night, even though I feel just as unsatisfied with the whole situation..

I still feel crappy for the fact that we tried to have sex, and it wasn't good. I didn't go relieve myself because I know it would make him feel emasculated (he's expressed this before). But he didn't apply that same logic to me. Thats what hurts the most. Its not about the comparison or porn itself. Its him not considering how I'd feel.

As for me getting dressed up. I only wear office attire, and baggy sweaters. When I go out, he always tells me I don't dress up enough (since I don't wear heels or flashy outfits). I make sure I never wear anything sexually attractive, but rather girly and flattering. I'll admit I love it when people comment on my purses (accessory validation), but I don't covet attention from other sex.

When I'm getting ready in front of me, he tells me to dress up more, why am I dressing down so much. But when he's mad at me, he's using it against me. So I'm getting a lot of mixed signals, too.

I have cheated in my past. I will not deny that. I have been forthcoming with him about how/who/why. He tells me he doesn't blame me for what happened in my past. I never cheated sexually, but it was emotional cheating that occurred at the end of a relationship.

I don't know if any of this matter or if it'll change anything.