As the woman whom this post is about, the OP left out details that didn’t paint a true picture. For example, the woman he is referring to was and is just a friend. However, he went out with her while I was out of town on a business trip and lied to me about it. If I didn’t find out, he said he never planned on telling me. I had just asked that we tell each other if we were going to hang out with a member of the opposite sex 1:1. I never said he wasn’t allowed to. Being a couple who had dated for over a year and spoke everyday, it wouldn’t be out of the question to tell your significant other that you were going out with someone for a drink, etc. Just as I would say “hey I’m going out with the girls”, I would be up front about going out with a guy for a drink. When we spoke that night, he told me he went straight home and hung there for the night. There just isn’t room for lying in a relationship even if you think the person may be upset by what you tell them. I would rather have someone mad at me then break their trust.
Additionally, I never “made plans for him” without speaking to him. My default hang out person is the one I’m dating so if friends ask me to hang and I know he and I are both free, I would ask him if he had planned for us to do something. It isn’t permission by any means, it’s just common courtesy. Maybe we didn’t have formal plans, but perhaps he wanted us to run errands or catch a movie. It isn’t crazy to consider the other person and it shouldn’t feel like a chore. It should be a partnership.
The trip he wanted to go on wasn’t a guy’s trip. He was going with a guy friend to see the girl mentioned above...the one he hung out with and lied to me about. She has a boyfriend and he was going to be hanging out with them for the weekend so it hurt my feelings that he wouldn’t want to include me. If it was only guys, I totally get it and would encourage him to do that! In May, I used my airline points for he and his best friend to fly to Texas for a wedding so I’m clearly ok with him doing guys trips. Since he lied to me about it, I would think he would want her and I to get to know each other more and we could have hung out while the guys went to the braves game (which I would love to go to by the way). He also wanted to do fishing trips with his friends so for our anniversary I bought him a new fishing pole. I wasn’t trying to take any of his friendships away!
I made a lot of mistakes and I do see that. I could have been more laid back about some of these things but felt constantly like he didn’t like me and I wasn’t a priority which made me feel rejected. Woman can be intuitive. Seeing all these comments bashing me and seeing that he allowed it when he didn’t tell the true/whole story was disappointing. By nature, people aren’t typically crazy or question you unless you give them a reason to do so. Perhaps some of your actions are a direct reaction to how you’re treated.