This is what my father did, and what I actually did before I went to therapy and got help with all my childhood issues (caused by him). He used to get so angry with me that he'd go blind with it, and just turn into a complete monster. He was awful. He dissociated because he was so consumed with rage.
But OP, this is the thing. Your husband sounds like my dad. My dad spent years abusing my mother, controlling her, but in small ways at first and he always made her believe it was her fault. She was so miserable, so beaten-down and quiet. He would do things like hold his hand up to her face as if to say 'shut up', he'd push her around, just absolutely lose it for no reason. She was so scared and so on edge that she lost herself. And, of course, it escalated. Meanwhile, I was growing up and at an age where I could understand what was going on, but not in a way that meant I could piece it together and know it was wrong. I grew up thinking that a house devoid of laughter, a house full of tears and afternoons spent alone looking after my brother (when I was 6, and he was 3) while my dad locked mom away in a room with him to have a 'talk' (read: shouting and threats), was normal.
But he was abusive with me too, more so as I grew up. At first it started out with little things like shouting at me and sending me to my room for stupid things like spilling a bit of juice, then it slowly escalated. It was such a confusing time for me as a kid because this was my dad, I loved him so much, but he would constantly smack me for absolutely no reason. When my parents divorced, I became his punching bag. He would scream at me, throw things at me, slap me, charge at me and make me run and hide in my room.
Because mom wasn't there to take on that role, he assigned it to me. And one day, when I was around 10, he screamed at me over dinner. I screamed back, he challenged me, I left the table to run to my room as he threw his plate at me and he ran like hell after me and grabbed my hair and hit me so hard that I fell on my bed. I ran away the next day and haven't seen him since. My brother remembers it all, and my dad still lies about it, saying it never happened. He turned his family against me, and against my mom too.
What your husband is doing, throwing toys at your toddler, pushing you around, is NOT ACCEPTABLE. He is not willing to get help. he has his family validating his behavior. Please don't put your kids in a situation where they have to deal with this kind of thing. It's so unfair and it really messed me up. I only really let it go when I was 18 after 8 years of therapy, I'm still in therapy now because it's led to me having some really unhealthy tendencies in relationships that my current SO is helping me get past, but I still absolutely dread confrontation and I get so anxious if we ever have a disagreement because there's a part of me that is so scared. There's still that lonely, confused and terrified kid inside me sometimes.
Please don't let your kids grow up like that, thinking it's normal. It's not, and it can have a really harmful, long-lasting (even lifelong) effect on their views of relationships.