You’re putting way to much emphasis and pressure on this!! Honestly, it sounds like he has a performance anxiety, not even a major one (although he will easily develop one if you keep pinning your self worth to this). HE DOES ENJOY SEX AND HE IS ATTRACTED TO YOU. You are being extremely unfair to take a difficulty he has, and is likely embarrassed by, and ramp up the humiliation but suggesting he must be gay or isn’t attracted to you.

Why are you personalizing this? He does finish when you are intimate. It doesn’t fit your specific script, but he does. Anyways, I love orgasms as much as the next person but you’re putting waaaay too much emphasis on it.

Your partner’s sexual performance cannot hold the weight of your self esteem. Have you tried telling him you would enjoy him cumming inside you (and it will be a bit necessary for a family) so what can we do to facilitate/address this?

Honestly, you need therapy. Your self esteem is clearly really impacted by this and you need support to recover- you also need to talk through how you got there. I feel like there’s a number of communication and internal dialogue steps that have gone awry here.