I'm sorry you're going through this but know you're not alone. (F20) And I'm struggling as well with intrusive thoughts like yours and have been for a couple of months now. If you do feel out of control, please go to the hospital, this was my doctors advice to me. Telling health care professionals your thoughts may be scary because saying them out loud is so scary but I found it's the first steps to getting help. And perhaps think about going to therapy which is something I've started most recently because of it. What has work for me is singing to myself because it shifts the dialogue in my head and distracts my head else where, I do this when I feel the dread come back. Another thing that's works for me is imagining my self, the part who is afraid of these thoughts and my brain, the one with these thoughts as 2 separate things. In the meanwhile please avoid watching the news/ violence and watch something comforting. Its truly an unpleasant and scary thing to go through. But please go the hospital if you feel like you really need to or if you just feel to afraid. If you need anyone to talk to, my messages are always open but please be gentle with yourself as you go through this.