Oh man, that is hell.

Your mil says something shitty to you, which you reply with an apology, and then she throws a fit and messes the place up, which you then rewarded her behavior by tidying up. You're way too nice and she despises it.

She doesn't respect you. She finds you weak and not good enough to defend her daughter should a terrible situation come up that needs a strong man.

She probably has no idea why she feels how she does, but she can tell from your mannerisms, your behavior, how you hold yourself, that you're the sort of man she can shit all over without facing consequences, and the funny part is that she hates that she can do this to you.

Now, she's dead so that's nice that you don't have to deal with her crazy anymore, but see well that your wife knows what her mother knew, sees how easily you can be walked all over, sees your weakness.

If your wife is smart, she is already well in control of your relationship and your mind. I'm curious to know what your ages are, how often you two have sex, and who is pleasing who more of the time.