Oh one last thing, that I have emailed to people once a year. Surprisingly most get a kick out of it admitting which ones they do. There's "all or nothing thinking", Over-generalization, mental filter (minimizing good points, magnifying bad ones) close to "selective perception"seeing what one wants to see and ignoring evidence to the contrary. jumping to conclusions, labeling and mislabeling, personalization (blaming yourself). There are tons of them and some use different names for the same things. Oh and I don't know if your friends gripe with you is not their normal character. It's nice if you can make peace and explain your view, reassure them about something. So do what you feel is right. You're talking to someone that basically reads, studies, and doesn't really have many friends. But I am 52 and a lot of people are married with kids. In NYC 52 isn't old, here it's like 80. When I was in my 20s and 30s I always had a group of friends. I still know I pushed some people away, or I will dwell on things. Ruminate. I don't get distance from things like other people do. Well this is a second day of long chatting, hope you don't mind but I have missed sleep for two days now and I will type more when I am tired! You may want to try having 1 or 2 close friends rather than be dependent on a group of friends where you are undervalued. And the last thing some one taught me that turned out to be SO TRUE, don't mix groups of friends. I use to love to have everyone meet everyone. Bad plan. If you have separate friends, let it stay that way. If one relationship goes bad with a person or group, you have another one for support and you aren't left with that discrediting spreading to your other friends. Like bar or club friends with work friends. That was never ever a good idea. I tried to give you what took me a bit too long to learn. I was way to trusting! And if you go back to people that constantly mistreat you, or a spouse or individual, other friends will tolerate it only so much and then they will give up on you because you brought it on yourself. I have also noticed that I was raised to apologize. Some people will never apologize EVER and some people don't accept apologies. That's their own neurosis. Life is short. If you really think you were wronged, or hurt, don't give them free rental space in your mind! If you are bipolar, you need to protect yourself. You really do. You don't need drama. If you burned someone's car seats with a cigarette or more, I would be pissed if I were them. Especially if they don't want you smoking in their car. But if you were drunk apologize. Why would you leave several cigarette butts in a car. How many did you leave? I am curious now! I feel like Judge Brown! LOL PEACE!