Great answer. I'm in a similar boat. Don't like thinking about how much money I've spent, and will spend, on this habit. Also wonder about the toll it's taken, and will take, on my mental and physical health. But - to play the devil's advocate - if I hadn't dabbled in it, then maybe I'd be that much worse off? Maybe I wouldn't have been able to cope with life's stresses?

When I was younger, I dreamed of being a superstar, like so many kids do - a professional athlete, artist or whatever. I also believed in love (like Cher), and wanted to get married and share everything with another person. Now that my idealism has started to fade, and my inner romantic has become disillusioned, I really just live for the bliss that opiates provide. When chipping, I'll grind through a terrible month knowing that I have a few days of blissful nothingness waiting for me at the end. Don't know what else I'd look forward to if I didn't have that. I mean, yeah, there's drunken nights out with friends, the occasional romance, professional success, etc... but all of those things seem muted and pointless next to opiates. If I hadn't tried them I have a feeling that I'd still be the same cynical, disappointed idealist that I am now, just without any escape. Maybe I wouldn't even have made it this far? Kinda scary to think about. Do you feel similarly?

Sorry, I didn't mean to bombard you with a wall of text, self-indulgently justifying my habit, but I'm really curious as to whether other opiate users feel similarly. These are some strange and wonderful, or maybe terrible, substances, and their effects on the lives of the people who use them are equally perplexing.