Look.. this guy is a distraction from the real problem. The real issue is that you feel insecure in your marriage, and you need to address this head on by creating and spending some better quality time with her.

Ask your wife out on a date, tell her how much you appreciate/love her. start to spend more quality time together. Increase the emotional intimacy. gently, invest a bit more of your attention into your relationship. Or whatever feels best for you. This will create sort of a bubble of security around your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with realizing that your relationship isn’t as secure as you’d like. Now you know, adjust, face the problem, talk to your partner. This is about you. And she is there for you. So talk it out, process. This will help increase some emotional intimacy and she’ll probably find it endearing, seeing you working through your emotions maturely. It may even be a turn on!

If you set a date a few days after the party you mentioned, no doubt, you will be in her mind. And not in a “my husband is trying to control me kind of way”..

But, DO NOT make this about the asshat at work, OR about how she responds to his advances. Both of these moves are handing the power of the situation to someone other than yourself.

But YOU are the one feeling these things and YOU are the one noticing them as a problem. And, they are a problem! You’re right!

Your coworker is playing your emotions and jealousy. He’s smooth, your wife likes the attention, and he gets off knowing that you feel powerless (that is what is under your anger)

Really, though, you aren’t powerless, even if you may feel that way.

The thing is.. I don’t think the obvious answer is the right move. You don’t want for the jealousy of your coworker to direct your decisions. He’s relying on this perception you have of him to make you look bad and to use that to trick your wife into sleeping with him. (Obviously she sucks if that happens and would be entirely responsible for “letting him trick her” into doing what she actually might want. But, she’s not dumb. If this is the case OP is better off anyways).

I’m holding some benefit of the doubt that OP is married to wife for a reason and that she will most-likely not betray the marriage. But obviously this drama is playing itself out this way because in OP’s mind, this card IS on the table...

And OP, you think your wife will fall for him and leave you. That’s your fear here. And it WILL happen if you try to control the situation outright, operating from that fear.

I think the most important thing would be to, at first, do some things that will take your mind off of this. Get more sleep. Observe more thoroughly your emotions. Separate yourself from this guy when he speaks this way. Take some time for yourself. Maybe your wife will miss you and will want to spend some time with you.

I know that this is infuriating, but it won’t do you any good to throw a tantrum and blame your coworker or your wife for “what might happen”

Your wife married YOU, she wants to spend her time and life with you. So if you show her you trust her, she will appreciate it.

But if you give all of your power away by being all flustered and angry at alpha bro, you are going to keep losing and losing until you’ve lost everything..

And if that happens, I’m not really sure you lost anything. you’ll have merely revealed your true colors as a weak little man who had let an asshole play you for your jealousy.

You’re a part of his game. If he’s into home wrecking, his game stops working when you don’t play.

I think you have a choice: Are you a jealous, powerless, possessive man who’s wife is about to be stolen from you (as if she is property pssshhh)?

Or, are you going to calmly address the situation, reassure your wife of your trust, and pay attention to the things that really matter in your life (ie. not the asshat).

You know who you are. Or, maybe you don’t, and this is revealing who you are..... idk

Okay, so...

If you feel you need to talk to her about this situation, tell her how the asshat (don’t actually say that, use his name) is saying these things about her that make you feel angry because they aren’t true. The way he talks about her is so superficial and it makes you feel angry because you love her. it makes you feel angry that he seems to see her as a pawn in his game. SHE ISN’T AN OBJECT. You know this. And this guy is implying she is with his language, and is very cleverly trying to you and to use her to get his rocks off.

Just say that it bothers you, but that you understand how the attention might be nice. Ask her how you can bring her this kind of attention or affection.. this might be a good opportunity for you to bring up ways you may feel neglected and you can start to create solutions to how you feel.

Bring it up once, and maybe twice. then tell her that you trust her. And prove it, by trusting her and letting it be.

Shut it down be realizing this guy is being a toddler. He’s used to bullying his way into getting what he wants by using your jealous paranoia to his advantage so that you alienate yourself while simultaneously opening the door for him. And then let it go. You’re not his nanny. And your wife sure as hell ain’t his binky.

No. Close the door. Your coworker will get bored because he, as a home wrecker, isn’t in it for the pussy. He’s in it to make you feel heartbreak and pain because THATS HOW HE FEELS AND HE IS EXACTING HIS REVENGE ON THE WORLD.

What a fucking bully and what a fucking loser.

If after all of this, this guy keeps being a corrosive energy in the workspace, bring it to HR.

Ignore him, address your feelings. if that doesn’t work stand up to him directly or use HR.

And, if the problem plays out exactly how you don’t want it to, then divorce your wife, get in therapy, and try not to die inside until you actually die.

But I really believe in you OP. This doesn’t have to play out how you fear it will.