I'm far from Cindy Crawford. I figure she was either explaining why she felt threatened or maybe she said something like I was pretty on the outside but an awful person on the inside.

Look, I feel really sorry for her. This man has been her whole life. She has spent years trying to please him. I saw a text message she sent him once apologizing for being out in public - she ran in to him by chance - and not being well dressed, or as she said "looking so awful". She went on to say she just wanted to always be a wife he could be proud of.

She is a great housekeeper and keeps his clothes looking great. She cooks his dinner every night. I would never believe she has been anything less than faithful. He has always told me that she gave sex freely and often.

She is an attractive woman. She's not a big person at all. He's told me that she knows she better not gain weight because he isn't attracted to big women. He also says that contributes to her insecurity about me - that she knows what he finds attractive and that I check all those boxes.

Add in all the pure bullshit he feeds her - nothing more than lines that would make most women roll their eyes - and I can see that he does not genuinely care for her. I don't know who he really cares about beyond himself. He does love his kids, though.

I've known all along I could never be married to him. I like makeup free days and have no issues leaving the house like that. I get lazy. My laundry piles up and my house is messy. I like to do my own thing.

So she takes care of him at home and I have taken excellent care of him at work - I can't begin to describe how hard I've worked to make sure he succeeds all while doing my own job. He does acknowledge what I do and does appreciate it. Truly, this man has been very spoiled.

There is so much more but if I shared it would be an opsec nightmare plus even this board would let me have it.

I know all this logically. Why do I even entertain the possibility of a real relationship? Why does it bother me that I didn't think his goodbye this afternoon was as warm and as heart felt as it should have been? Why does it bother me that she is going on this trip with him? I never let him know it bothers me, though. I even told him the time away might be good for them.

So yes, I feel sorry for her and I don't envy her. i have to keep that perspective. I'm really trying.