I dabbled in polyamory for a while. I never found anyone else to date but my ex did. She was my girlfriend of four and a half years and with a guy she knew for less than half the time she knew me, she became his slave/submissive. Neither of them told me.
As anyone that knows about subspace, either as a dom or sub, can tell you, you become exceptionally malleable and open to suggestion when you're in subspace. She went from someone that believed that polyamory was about love to telling me our relationship would be open and that we could rut and fuck anyone we wanted and if i didn't want to know who she'd been fucking, i wasn't to ask.
At the time, i was so desperate to love that i just said, "Okay- but can you promise me that whatever decisions you make, you'll put our relationship first and foremost?" This had been my guiding principle and it didn't seem too much of an ethical burden to expect from her. She couldn't look me in the eyes, instead she got angry until she was shamed into saying "yes". I was naïve enough to think she meant it.
A few weeks later, i learned about her master/ slave relation in a somewhat open environment. A few days after that, she broke up with me over the phone because i was "too authoritarian" and was trying to control her need to fulfill her newly realized life long dream to be gang banged as part of her "femininity" (her word) and "self actualization" (again, her words). I even suggested to her that i help her find four or five guys and that we get a hotel room and help her live out her fantasy (i'd been glad to fulfill her fantasy of a few MMF encounters). When she realized i wanted to be a part of it, she screamed at me That's exactly what I DON'T WANT!!
She broke up with me over the phone. After four and a half years together (we lived 120 miles apart while she shared a house with her master/ owner) Her last words to me were, "Chris (not my real name), I'm oh so smart and there are so many things that i want to do and experiences that I want to have and I just don't see that you have a place in my future anymore."
Those words were forever branded into my mind.
After two years of grief beyond description, realizing just how insane i'd become by embracing coping strategies and losing two jobs as a result of my grief, i finally realized that my drive to love would have eventually let her drag me to her level if i had stayed with her- and believe me, i genuinely did for a long time.
It has taken everything out of me and i'm a shadow of who i used to be- but i dodged the bullet that would have left me hollow, without any self respect, dignity and worst of all, believing that what i had with her was love.