Boogie!
I really want to share my story with you about this! I'm a game developer who has been diagnosed with PTSD and have suffered weight issues all my life as well. I attempted suicide at 11 due to extreme bullying because of my weight. I was morbidly obese for years because of what seems to be a binge eating disorder (though that part was never diagnosed).
I really felt like I had tried everything. It's as you said though. Weight loss comes down to calories in vs calories out, simple as that. But the mental side of maintaining that ratio is not simple at all. I was somewhere between 320lbs and 350lbs when I started getting really bad chest cramps. It was actually in a fit of self hatred I finally made a decision. I was simply too much of a useless bag of shit to do anything BUT play games. So I decided to put my computer on a treadmill and game there.
This was awhile after I started. 2008 around 300lbs here
And the my before after from 2011
When I originally started I was not diagnosed with PTSD yet. I just noticed that I was sort of different than other people. So I thought I should cater to myself a bit more.
I was on my way up majorly. If I had tried to lose weight by doing anything else I would still be failing. I have no doubt that I would be at least in the 400lbs range if I had tried to do it by focusing on diet and exercise and not why those things are obstacles.
When I started walking on the treadmill it took awhile but after about 70lbs it was finally enough to make me not embarrassed to go to the gym. I joined a personal training thing and took off another 50lbs. But I know damn well it only happened because of the confidence boost of finally finally succeeding at losing some weight. It took a bit to actually start losing it, I can remember being happy like you when I for the first time in my entire life stopped gaining weight.
In 2013 I had a mental breakdown and regained a bit. Spiraled into a pretty major depression and put on 40lbs. You can see a few fresh self harm marks in that picture as well. I really really wasn't in a good spot. I was broke and couldn't afford another treadmill. And I was having such bad anxiety I couldn't leave the house to go to the gym, or run, or do much activity at all.
This time however I knew I was mentally ill. So I focused on my therapy instead and looked at some of the things I had learned there and how they could apply to my weight loss. I needed to change how I lived. And not to someone else's solution. I needed to figure out how I could live and not be fat. It would be a solution for just me.
I love videogames, always have. As a developer I also spend a lot of time at my computer. The treadmill desk has some problems for everyday things. As well it's only walking and limited in what it works. I wanted to be active.
So I built what I call my jungle gym desk. It's been designed to provide a way for me to do just about any sort of exercise while being at home. If I want to get heavy cardio I have the DDR pad. Otherwise I made a little program to help me workout.
Part of my issue is being lazy. It's a tricky thing to be active and lazy but I manage. So I don't like designing workouts constantly or worrying about ratios. So I created a little program that creates workouts for me themed around old SNES RPG's
Simple honor system. When I'm done I just press enter and it records what I did. The numbers are the only reward. I have it give a running tally of the last 7, 24hr periods.
I've lost the weight I regained and a bit more. My total weight loss from my highest is now 130lbs. When I started. At this point I'm about 15lbs out from my goal weight.
When I reach my goal my intention was to create some sort of package/website/social media type thing to help other people. I don't feel I am unique in the issues I struggle with. But I remember feeling like this was impossible. I still feel like a lazy nerd at heart. I just live in a way that keeps me from being fat. It isn't impossible but it's also different than anything I've seen suggested.
In general we need to really rethink how we approach activity and living. It needs to be part of your life in order to work. If you aren't doing something that works for you then it won't work. Diet and exercise are a result of lifestyle, not a choice. Changing the lifestyle changes those things. And lifestyle change only comes through reflection.
The world pushes a very narrow view of what lifestyles result in weight loss. By embracing the very things that seemed to be my greatest weaknesses to weight loss I turned them into my strengths. And I know everyone says stuff like this but if I can do it I can't imagine there is anyone on the planet who can't find a way to make it work for them too.
I want so badly to help other big fat nerdy guys like myself to feel better about life. You don't have to give up the things you love in order to be healthy. You can just change how you do the things you love and the weight will follow. It seems to come down to working with who you are and imagining a way you could live actively.
In my biggest dreams I make a product desk type thing that is seen like a peripheral for PC games. A way to integrate workout equipment with videogames in a really sophisticated way at home. Or to have gaming gyms. That have arcade type games that are operated with heavy physical effort. As much as games make people fat I think with a little work they could actually help reverse the obesity trend. I'm living proof.
If you are interested at all (or anyone who reads this) I would love to help in anyway I can. All I have are designs and knowledge but I'm willing to share everything if you feel like anything I did could help. I've had a few people over the years contact me with how my story helped them and its the best thing in the world. It makes it worth it, all the depression and suicidal tendencies. To know that it's helping more than just me. I hope at minimum I can be a bit of encouragement.
You can do it boogie! I'm rooting for you!
