Just for background, before I get into this “film” I’ll give my background on the Jurassic Park Series. The Original is the best of course, though I think it’s a little overrated you still cannot deny what this movie did for cinema as well as how many people grew up with and adore this movie. The second and third ones I barely remember but I don’t remember liking them really. Jurassic World I saw in theatres when it came out, I thought it was ok, and I haven’t felt any need to revisit it since. I would sooner watch any of these movies again before I sit through Fallen Kingdom again. So this movie is about saving dinosaurs, after we’ve been afraid of dinosaurs for 4 movies.(Hmmm) The island that the dinosaurs are all on has a volcano that is going to erupt, thus killing all of the dinosaurs. The first act of this movie is a glacially slow paced sequence depicting the struggle of the decision of whether or not to let the dinosaurs die. Bryce Dallas Howard’s character wants to save the dinos, and gets a call from Rafe Spall’s character who has a plan to save the dinosaurs and take them to a sanctuary. Now I will talk about some things that were in the trailer, these elements of this movie would have made for good plot points, but they were in the trailer! So I won’t consider this a spoiler, but Bryce DH and Chris Pratt are double crossed by Rafe Spall who actually just wants to sell the dinosaurs. This leaves us with like 60 mins left of the movie. They spend half of the movie setting up the plot that everyone who watched the trailer knew already. GENIUS! I’ll finish the summary when we get into spoilers but now I can just vent. This movie does not need to be made! This is an entirely flawed premise because we have been running from dinosaurs for 4 movies! Now we are supposed to care about them??? How does that make sense, the answer is that it doesn’t. That would be like if in the next alien movie, one of the xenomorphs is sick and they have to nurse it back to health. It would be like if in the next friday the 13th movie, all of the campers try to help jason get over a breakup. It would be like if in the next saw movie, people try to help jigsaw find a woman. Is that enough examples? Do you see what I’m saying here?? It doesn’t make sense! So I took it upon myself to come up with something. Instead of just hating on this piece of garbage I thought, “ Josh, what jurassic park movie would you make if given the chance”, and I came up with my answer. I would not make any, because any good plot was already used in the first one, so there doesn’t need to be all of the sequel cash grabs. Even the second and third movie weren’t good, that’s because there is nothing that we need to see that wasn’t already explored in the first one. This also makes the reboot incredibly unneeded since the original sequels didn’t even pan out. So as for nitpicks I have a good few Justice Smith was not funny at all. He seemed to be the attempt at comic relief but because of his lack of comedic skill was not even able to deliver the most basic of jokes in a believable way. It really made no sense that he was even there, because it seemed like he did not want to be there, but they only brought like 4 people who weren't soldiers to this island so somehow he made the cut reluctantly. The whole movie itself was just not funny, I rolled my eyes at pretty much every attempt at humor. Pratt had a few lines that got me but other than that it was abysmal. Daniella Pineda’s character was like a veterinarian for dinosaurs and did a fine enough job with what she was given, although there was one strange thing that she did once she arrived on the island. She looked up to see a dino and started crying and said “ I didn’t think I’d ever get to see one in person” What??? How are you such a reputable dinosaur doctor, so good that she gets taken on this very exclusive adventure to rescue these dinos, but somehow has never seen one before in person? Jurassic World was like a full functioning island with lots of staff and I assume they had some doctors working there who worked with the dinos constantly, how did she get the invite over them? The only things that really got me through the movie was Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard. Chris Pratt is really charming and always just really fun to watch. Bryce Dallas Howard… I mean …… But actually she pulled her weight in this movie and was one of the few people who seemed to be trying at least. Some of the effects looked bad too. Like inexcusably bad, just pure laziness and not caring is what it looked like to me. Now you might be thinking that this is a bad movie but it’s certainly nothing that would upset me too much. Well as of now you’re right nothing that has happened so far really got under my skin too much, but now we’re gonna enter the spoiler zone so I would recommend that if you haven't seen this movie, just listen to me and don’t see it. But if you feel like you need to see if before you hear the spoilers which aren't even spoilers because nothing is surprising about it at all. Well the ending of this movie takes place at a big mansion where the dinos are being auctioned off... Oh god i forgot to mention the worst part of this movie James Cromwell lives in a mansion with his housekeeper, his granddaughter and Rafe Spall who is like spending his fortune for him since he’s super old. So his granddaughter learns of Spall’s secret plan to sell the dinos and tells James Cromwell and James Cromwell confronts Rafe Spall about it and Rafe Spall kills him. Bam! Old man murder! So the granddaughter played by Isabella Sermon takes it into her own hands to stop this dino selling with Pratt and Howard and they do of course and that would be all fine and good but there's some weird thing that happens when Rafe catches them all together and tells them that she's not actually James Cromwell’s granddaughter but instead he made her as like an exact replica from his daughter and just remade her… I guess? I could barely follow it when they were shoving the explanation down my throat, but sure ok...whatever she’s a clone. So a little later on BDH has the choice to either let to dinosaurs die in the mansion or let them loose on the world, she chooses not to let them go and walks away in tears. The little girl presses the button to let them go and says something like “I’m alive, so they should be to” WHAT? Just because you are created in a lab just like the dinos, that doesn't mean that you both should get to walk the earth! You are a normal human and they are huge monsterous dinosaurs! And the movie ends with Jeff Goldblum talking about how the entire world is going to have to adjust to living with dinos. Pure Insanity. I struggle to find anything about this movie that I really liked. I either hated something or just felt lukewarm on it. Don’t see this movie, because if enough of you do they will make another. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom gets a 2/10