omfg i screwed up again again again again - stupid porn addiction its been 5 years i cant quit god

if i would have stuck to my written goal of 5 min daily morning meditation then i wouldnt have been so weak and impulsive

You're just saying, 'if i would have been less impulsive (aka, able to your goal), i wouldn't have been so impulsive.' But that's circular: you're beating yourself up for being something. 'If only I wasn't thirsty, I wouldn't be drinking so much water.' Yeah well you were thirsty so you drank. Don't tell yourself not to be what you are, that's not how self-improvement actually works.

The first step to discipline is not this frantic and intense self-beating, planning anxiety stuff you're doing. The first step is full-on acceptance: 'OK, this happened, I am like this, these are the cards I'm playing with. I can no longer make plans for somebody holding different cards hoping they will appear in my hands.' Then, and only then, can you play your cards right.

I don't know...I've really never met someone in real life who was so frantic and disturbed about simply jerking off. I feel sorry for you. Who told you that this was so bad? It's like you're talking yourself down from having hit your sibling over the head with a shovel. It's just sexuality, and the younger we are the more uncontrollable we are usually.

For example, I don't know where this assumption comes from that you would have been perfect if you did meditation for only 5 minutes in the morning. You're setting fantasy expectations based on nothing. Just be easy and realistic to yourself: OK Mike, what am I really capable of looking at my past? How slow can I increase without slipping? What discipline will be a shock to my system and make me crumble back down.

The phrase that comes to mind is, 'fly high but eat low:' many people try to pretend that they're SuperMan in the hopes that this momentum will turn them into a better person. Once that fails, as it inevitably does, they go way back to where they started with their tail between their legs. The trick all along was to accept that they're not SuperMan first, then they can really make plans that are meant for Mike instead of someone else.

It's literally the only way to go. Good luck.

/r/Meditation Thread