I've been married 12 years, and we opened the marriage roughly 2 years ago. It wound up bringing up some weird, confusing thoughts and feelings for me as well. Some are related to what's happening outside my marriage, but some are strictly to do with what's inside my marriage and inside me...and of course there's grey, blurry stuff in between. I'm spending a lot of time sorting through everything and figuring out what I really think and feel, and why, and what does it mean, and what do I want to do...it's a slow-moving train.

Even though some of it is disorienting and unpleasant, ultimately I think it's good, because it's all self exploration and personal growth stuff...getting to know yourself better. And I think it's all necessary stuff, too. We shouldn't be afraid of what's inside us - what's scary is if that stuff stays hidden, and what the impact of that might be. Bring it all out into the light, figure it out. So this is the long way of me saying: I think I understand what she's experiencing, and don't be scared of it. Even if it doesn't go the way you hope it will, it's necessary and important stuff that needed to be unearthed and explored. It's why were here, after all - learning who we are.

Another thought about fear - it's better to trust that you can handle whatever comes than it is to make fear-based decisions in an effort to achieve the result you think you want. I think your bravery is commendable. The instinct here is: circle the wagons, preserve the relationship, avoid change. But you're staying open to the process, letting it grow organically, letting the developments be authentic. That's hard. I think it's great you're doing it, even though it's left you feeling lost right now. Whatever happens, this state of feeling lost is temporary...stay patient and let it unfold as it should. Keep communicating, keep loving, keep listening, keep trusting yourself - your strength and resiliency, your ability to grow and move forward.

My two cents. : )