I am going to title this story Shit Spaghetti: I'm in the woods on my buddies property in a very rural part of central Louisiana, helping said buddy build an off-the-grid hunting camp. It's the first weekend of several build trips so I didn't exactly know what I was getting into, but I know going into it there isn't a shitter for miles. So I pop a couple Imodium AD right when we get out there in an attempt to lock up my bowls. Get up there Friday afternoon work till dark, then get up dawn the next day and work till dark again. At this point we had run out of food and water as we were not fully prepared... And this is where it went downhill. We went into the closest town to grab a bite to eat then hit up the grocery. The only halfway decent place was a sorry excuse for a Mexican place. We eat there and basically got served microwaved cheese n tortilla tacos and lemon-lime Gatorade margaritas. Wrap up the evening at the piggly wiggly for some goods and head back to the build/camp site. Armageddon: the morning bowl movement hits me like a drunk stepfather. I try and hold it off because we are in the middle of the woods but the shit train is a comin. Grab the tp, pick out a nice tree,, and pull me pants down for the show time. Push... Nothing .... Grunt n push... Nothing. Pushhhhh. Nada. At this point I'm like what the fuck. My stomach hurts I need to shit so bad but nothing is coming out. My legs are on fire from leaning up against the tree and after About another min of pushing I am freaking out. So out of pure desperation I check my ass to see that everything is ok down there. After basically two days of sweating and working and sleeping my asshairs had turned into a matted shit damn that I could not be undone. I tried pulling on them gently but it hurt real bad. I then had the idea to just poke a whole in the hair dam and maybe that would get the shit moving. It worked but not the way I thought it would. The holes and the force of shit that had been stored up caused shit spaghetti to be sprayed all over my thighs calfs and feet. It was by far the grossest shit I had ever taken to begin with thanks to the Mexican delight from the night before but thanks to the meat grinder it was a force majure to be sure. Tldr: camping, Mexican food, no shower, ass hair poo dam, forced shit spaghetti all over legs.