Dad became an alcoholic when I was 25 and everyone left. I fell on hard times and moved in with him.

I had no income and barely ate. One night I was too hungry to go another night without eating. I found an old can of chili and some instant rice in the back of the pantry and cooked it.

When ready, I pulled the bowl out and placed it on the counter. My dad comes out complaining of the noise. Terrifying. I stood there and apologized. He eventually sobered up a few years later and was an amazing human being.

When he went back to bed, I stepped over the doggy fence that breaks up the living room from the kitchen. Step back over to watch some tv. I forgot a fork. Step back over and tripped. Chili and rice everywhere on the floor.

My all time best friend Sophie the pekingese walked past the hot and ready food and licked my face while I stayed there motionless as I took a hard fall and couldn't move to get back up because there was no reason to move.

She didn't take a single bite of the food. She was a chronic beggar for scraps. When I didn't move from her few licks she barked loudly. She never barked. I got up, cleaned the food and gave her several treats for being amazing.

Dad sobers up and mom moves back but I'm still living there. Sophie was terrified of haircuts. Mom can't control her and asks for help. I go outside and hold her and not a peep. She looks me in the eye with calm. Mom told me that this is not normal for Sophie.

Sophie then sleeps with me every night on the living room couch until she HAD to be put to sleep. Only dog I've been with while they are being put to sleep.

I carry her to her grave in the rain and hold her for over an hour before I buried her. That dog taught me more about desire over instinct than any other human I've ever met. If Sophie could overcome her instinct then I should be able to.

It's been ten years and I cannot bring myself to get another dog. My life is far better than it was when Sophie taught me the fundamentals.