I have been trying to push myself and went to a job interview the other day- it was supposed to be 20hrs a week, which I thought with a note from a doctor regarding my IBS might be doable- but it ended up being 35 plus the 5hr commute there and back every week- so basically a full time job. Anyway, I ended up getting the job- they said that I was "very polite, personable and professional. I think your enthusiasm and willingness to learn will offset any shortcomings you may experience" but I had to turn it down because having severe IBS, the thought of having to be away from my house for 8hrs a day is unimaginable.

When my mom found out that I didn't take the job, she literally went crazy and was saying the most horrid things to me, especially about how she's "sick of dealing with me, and sick of always hearing 'i'm sick, I don't feel well" she says that I am fine, that it is all in my head, and that I am just not doing what I need to to take care of myself - this was in between her hanging up on me 5 times and saying fuck you to me repeatedly...

I'm just super upset, and I really do feel worthless.. It's not like I don't want to get a job, I want to be self sufficient and be able to pay all my bills on time etc. But if something isn't a good fit, and if I'm just going to let people down because I DO get sick and it is uncontrollable - how can I be expected to take a full time job where they said I absolutely have to be there every single day? I am just really sad, and it's so hard that after 15 years of feeling like shit, everyone treats me like shit about not feeling well... it makes no sense to me. I would literally never kick someone when they are down like that. That is the definition of what my mom did to me - ESPECIALLY because I have the flu and pneumonia right now, and feel absolutely terrible.

My stepdad told me - your mom gets stomach aches, and I have a sweating problem - but we just have to suck it up and run through it.. and I'm just like, those are not even remotely the same!!! and how do you "run through" being in horrible pain, having diarrhea and puking almost every single day or any time you eat something. IBS is truly an invisible disability. and I do feel invisible. I am so frustrated with my situation and how alienated I am in my family because literally nobody else has any health issues so they have no idea what it is like, yet they judge, judge, judge constantly. I'm tired of people being so horrible to me, like, I feel horrible enough already!!