You're not really suppose to use soap very often, if at all.

I wash once a night, and spritz after a sh... My compulsion is to mostly wash my hands, not my genitals. But before sex I ask him to just wash his hands, not his genitals. He chooses to wash them for his own reasons I guess.

please go see a therapist. It sounds like you've been through a lot and in order to get past this particularly painful incident in your life, seeing a therapist will help you work stuff out. If you actually have OCD, this will not get better on it's own.

Yes I do see one, and yes it's one of my diagnosed anxiety disorders. I used to have other rituals but now it's manifested into hand washing compulsions. I've tried medications and cbt to no avail at this point. So instead we will be dealing with my PTSD from my rape experiences (probably how I got HPV) We are trying something new this round, so fingers crossed.

Have you tried using lube? What about non-latex condoms?

Yes, water based lubes are good but does nothing for the pain. I've tried a myriad of condoms including non-latex. I don't get it. I'm thinking that I subliminally hate condoms and can't admit it or something.

see if an IUD is option for you.

I don't want an IUD. I want to get fallopian rings. I don't get why I'm supposed to have children first, even if I don't want any. I have my reasons why I don't. I have nieces and nephews around and they are more than enough. I've also been told that I need my partner to come so the doctor could get his permission. As you so eloquently put it "That is some ass-backwards, sexist bullshit", I've dealt with it all.

Giving yourself the opportunity to heal and move forward at your own pace is the best thing you can do for yourself. Ask for help from your friends and partner when you need it.

Yea, it's gonna take a LONG time to heal. My partner is understanding for the most part but his libido will not suddenly stop because I have issues, lol. I get a lot of pressure from him and he doesn't entirely get it. He is a very logical man and has a lot of empathy, but a man can only empathize so much with a woman.

I just dont get why I have burning and stabbing sensations if everything is good? I see my gyno every 6 months right now, so I know there is nothing wrong.

I appreciate your thoughtful reply though. It gave me some things to ponder. Thanks.