I mean, I will just kill myself if that happens ¯_(ツ)_/¯ what else am I supposed to do, somehow magically summon up the ability to interact with people for more than an hour or two at a time? I have autism and whenever I try to make myself work full time I end up having violent psychotic breakdowns in which I'll end up hurting myself or someone else. It fucking sucks, I can be working and doing a good job for a few months, but the stress of it catches up to me and I end up having such a terrible episode that I can't even take care of myself for months afterwards.

My parents could not wait to for me to leave, they love reminding me of how I'm a burden and how I should just get out there and work like all my successful childhood friends are. I try and try but I legitimately can't handle it, and I'm really scared that if I keep pushing myself to try it, someone will end up dead because of it... I'm not a dangerous person normally, but if I deprive myself of sleep and am running on 100% fight-or-flight adrenaline for five or six months nonstop, I become a different person :(