Was doing situps, lying down on yoga mat, stare at ceiling and realized I am going to die alone.

I live with my mother as co-owner of HDB, after taking over ownership when my dad passed away. So I cannot easily move out without putting my mom in financial risk. Mother is delusionally religious, like believe evil spirits can enter the house so need to play chanting track 24/7.

I malay so dating pool based on race is limited. On top of that, I closet ex-muslim to keep mom happy, so not moral for me to look for a muslim partner and pretend to be a good muslim husband. So need to find someone I can trust to play pretend muslim without breaking my secret.

On top of that, I not interesting guy to begin with. Father passed away, focused on nothing but clearing debts and establishing new home. Entire of 20's spent earning and saving money only. Now got home fully furnished, somehow feels empty.

Now got ok ok career, lower mid SES. Life is only work, exercise/gym, motorcycle, tech, gaming and anime. No good looks also, workout also still skinny fat bbfa, totally no halo effect. No confidence, suspect something wrong with my head lately. Its getting harder to concentrate, even after increasing daily caffeine dosage. Sometimes read email 2 3 times still cannot understand. Was actually scared I got some sort or early dementia or something but could also me an undiagnosed ADHD.

Also, kinda feel guilty being this depressed when I know I got other family members and friends who are in worse financial situation but somehow still happy.