Hey, I'm having kind of a meltdown concerning these thoughts . I keep explaining myself for every little thing I do or do wrong in order to keep me safe in case something fails. It has affected my previous relationships and is affecting the current wrong very intensely. I do all the stuff and try to be the perfect boyfriend just to ensure that everything's fine concerning the relationship but there are massive breakouts from time to time where I smash valuable (in terms of money and emotion) things to try and gain distance so that I can focus on the things that have the highest priority for my well-being. It's like virtually creating a situation where my girlfriend (or friends/family/colleagues) backs out for an amount of time so that I don't feel smothered by the relationship - technically I'm smothering myself. And after that amount of time I'm trying to make up for it, of course, because if somebody from outside the relationship judges the situation there's no empathy for me. I did something wrong so I have to make up for it. It's been 6 years with this woman and she's perfect for me but the desparation of not being able to handle this relationship is making me crazy - every outburst makes it worse and reduces my faith in myself. I'm doing a cbt and I guess I've made some progress but every time something goes wrong I keep telling myself that I've achieved nothing so far. It's a really hard cycle and the best patches so far have been when my girlfriend travelled Southern America for 3 months and I had nothing to worry about being a good boyfriend. I'm sorry for the confused text, English is not my native tongue and I've been sitting on the couch for nearly 10 hours, locked up with a laptop and the latest clips of Kimmel/Fallon/O'Brien, so my concentration is kind of messed up.