Ahh, you're pretty cool now for the most part, Fort Bend County; you can roll with us.

But Montgomery County? Hit the bricks, pal. Go ahead Woodlands (I refuse to recognize that pretentious ass "The" in your name), finally become the 2nd rate wannabe-suburban-Dallas exurb you've alway dreamed of being. It'll suck losing the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, but it's just not enough to justify keeping Conroe around.

Pearland, we like you; but the rest of your Brazoria County? Ehhh. Either get your mind right like Fort Bend did (we could certainly use the extra coastline), or work out your own secessionist plan. However you make it work, you've got a chair at the table.

Kingwood, in all honesty, you really were railroaded by the annexation deal back in the day. In the spirit of fairness, you will hold a referendum on whether to join the Free State of Houston, or remain with the People's Republic of Texas. No hard feelings either way.

Baytown is gonna be tricky tho. Between the Harris/Chambers County lines, we might have a Northern Ireland situation on our hands.

But unlike those short-sighted scone-eaters in Britain, we can plan this out ahead of time, folks. Long live the Free State of Houston! ¡Viva! ¡Viva!