It sounds like there's a lot of fear on both sides- and you know what? That's great because it means it is not one-sided and there IS a spot for you two to meet in the middle.

So if I'm understanding correctly, you asked if everything was ok and the conversation went on a tangent? Next time, I would literally say after little one is in bed "hey honey, I'd really like we we could sit down right now and have a check in about our relationship- not our kid, just about us." Just go from there and remember that this is not a time to make accusations or just repeat how upset you are, but to work together towards a common goal. It sounds like you guys need a reminder of what made you fall in love in the first place and that's ok. Many married folks do at some point.