I understand your situation, I've had the same thoughts and have been to a few therapists before I finally found a good one..my advice would be to start becoming conscious of your self talk. If anyone else spoke to us the way we speak ourselves we wouldn't tolerate it so why do we tolerate it from ourselves? That negative voice can overpower everything else. Try to develop a nurturing parental voice in your head. When you have a negative thought, counter it with a nurturing thought..keep developing that voice. It will be quiet and seemingly powerless at the start but keep countering the automatic negative thoughts with a positive voice..and when you feel that negative voice creeping in, speak to it in your mind.. I will actually say in my mind 'gtfoh with that shit', 'stfu with that nonsense..no one wants to hear that shit' etc etc..keep that voice in check, berate it..it's a bully, don't feed into it, don't allow it to lead you on to a negative thought process..as soon as that voice starts, catch it, stop it and replace it with a nurturing thought..develop that nurturing parent voice. And be aware that your depression and anxiety are not part of you or your personality. They are separate entities..Your depression wants you to behave a certain way, your anxiety wants you to avoid and hide ..not you. Think of it like a virus that's trying to hijack your brain and carry you in a certain direction..Be aware that it's not the real you, it's the condition