I had a short affair (~1 month) with an older married man and I developed surprisingly strong feelings for him. He went ghost on me. He finally gave me some kind of closure 2 months later, but I'm still hurting. I can't stop thinking about him, I can't stop wanting to talk to him. A day after he officially dumped me, I sent this a long, very emotional text telling him how I've felt about him and this whole situation. He didn't reply. Not sure he even read it. I can't understand why I feel such a strong need to talk to him. I know that if I do, I'll be disappointed yet again because he'll most likely not reply.

He's been pretty much all I've thought about since mid-October last year. I don't even remember what it was like before him. I don't know how to not think about him. I don't know how to not imagine him talking to me and hugging me when I cry.

I keep trying to convince myself that I'm only this upset because of the way he treated me, not necessarily because I miss him, but I know it's not true. He's an asshole, a coward, a huge piece of shit for doing this to a much younger girl who clearly had feelings for him and was/is completely unexperienced, but I just miss him. I just want to see him and kiss him and I miss spending time with him and just generally being around him and I honestly hate myself for this.

I know I'm late for this thread but I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I thought maybe writing it out would help a little.