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"when we were seniors in high school, myself and three of my friends found a hooker and enlisted her services, but not for sex. No no no, we had her put an egg in her pussy and lay it like a hen.

The egg was no hard boiled it was fresh out the carton from the grocery store purchased not an hour prior.

EDIT: For everyone accusing me of karmawhoring, I work at a preschool and have a bedtime.

Thank my cousin its not waiting til morning. As he put it; "as of right now OP is a faggot... prove to them that OP is not a faggot."

STORY: Firstly, this post is dedicated to my good friend who killed himself over christmas break this year <3 and you will be introduced to in this story. So the prologue... myself, and a couple friends, only one of which will be involved in the main event, we will call him "George", were out one night with another friend, we will call him Andrew, doing things that kids do at 17, egging people. We were invited to this girl sweet sixteen we decided to egg every car at this party.. park the car, and then attend the party. It was pretty funny since the DJ turned out to be an undercover cop and the perps were, as told by witnesses, a couple black dudes in a cadillac. (we were three white dudes and a saturn ion) but we looked suspect as fuck. We were really proud of this and just to fast forward a bit we did a lot of pretty cool shit that night. To this day i always say it's the funnest night I've had whilst sober. I bet you're wondering wtf does this have to do with that damned hooker? Well, at some point during this epic night George, Andrew, and myself decide we wanna really top off this epic night. We had a single egg left from the egging we had done that night and thought, "what could we do with a single egg?" George being the sick bastard he is mentions a hooker, and I see where his thoughts were taking him. I immediately agree. "What's something that NOBODY has ever or will ever do? That we can do right now? Get a fucking hooker and watch her put an egg in her pussy and lay it like a hen. Sadly though, finding a hooker proved a little more difficult than three 17 year olds were equipped for apparently. Nothing ever came of that night, still a fun ass night though.

So here we are, a year later. It's george, myself, and now two of our friends who happened to share a name. One we will call Jack, RIP, the other we will call Conner. Now george, myself and jack have known each other since gifted in the second grade. This conner fellow is newer to the group, he was friends with george really at first. He was a year older than us and in the army reserve. I should tell you this kid got us into our first strip clubs, all at 17, bars and served at restaurants. He was Frank Abignail Jr in every way and we loved it but never really trusted him either. Still, he was good to us and definitely a friend, just a conning bastard. The four of us are hanging out on what would become the most infamous night of my young life. Conner and Jack wanted to egg random cars and people this night and I really wasn't having it, neither was george, afterall that shit is just not cool. It was cool as juniors but we totally realized how awful we were being to complete stranger by this point. Anyway, it happens anyway with us standing by. We go on to have a pretty awesome night though driving around doing things that kids do. We drank on this church roof we used to hang out at every once in awhile with this muslim friend of ours. The night was pretty funny, think I drunk dialed my AP psych teacher that night at the church but that may have been another night. Anyway, we are all in the car and im getting some shit out of it when i happen upon the egg carton from earlier that night. There was one egg left. George and I lock eyes, we don't say a word, but its as if we are both asking each other: "is this fate? Should we tell the others?" the answer is YES it was fate and fuck yes lets tell them the idea. They both eat this shit up and upon george and I saying how difficult it was to find a hooker we were assured by Conner he could find us one.

Conner lied about a great many things but damn it was he telling the truth. We are going down this road we had combed before looking for a lady of the night except he had the great idea to go up to the cheap hotel desk clerks, wait...the hotels were cheap not the desk clerks, and ask them where he could find some "entertainment" this is when we meet a young man named Glenn. I will use his real name cause fuck Glenn. Glenn was seeing chatting with an obvious hooker who gets into this civic and dips. Well we are talking to him about getting ourselves such a young lady and he says well thats my girl and hell yes i'll hook ya'll up. He asks us for five bucks each so he knows we ahve money. We are waiting for this chick to show up when she finally does, the civic pulls up around the building and he goes to talk to her. While he is gone another young pimp named Dexter rolls up on his bike. Bicycle that is, and he says MAN FUCK GLENN. "that nigga don't have no hoes he a crackhead, if you want a girl you come see me at quality inn room 144" We are just like wtf lets just stick to one pimp at a time. Well turns out glenn ain't no pimp that bastard was a damn crackhead. Well we decide its time to see what Dexter was all about. We tell glenn we had to get eggs but he was like well just two of you go so i know you'll come back. We are like fuck! well jack and george drew the short straws cause conner and I head to 144. We knock on the door, I am so fucking nervous at this point but SOOO excited. This shit is happening! So dexter answers and we see his girl, LJ, on the couch smokin a cig. We start to discuss what it is we are looking for. LJ is horrified while dexter is really amused. She keeps saying no no no, maybe...no! noooo. She asked if its hardboiled "no" then asks what if it breaks? will it get infected? this is where Conner is quite the con, fucking catch me if you can, "we have loads of research on the matter, if you have a laptop I would be happy to show you." OFCOURSE these crackheads don't have a laptop this shit is sketchier than some heelies. She still doesn't want to do this. She asks us "Can't I just suck ya'lls dicks?" I looked at Conner, he looks at me, we both look away and say uhhhh no, just the egg please. Well LJ finally says no she won't do it. So, being the great negotiator that conner is says okay thank you for your time.. Farewell. We RUN to my car, I have accepted defeat at this point, we hear some yelling form dexter as we run to my car. I start my car saying oh well it was fun lets go get the boys. Dexter comes barreling out yelling "WAIT WAIT WAIT" "She'll do it!" So we go back inside to negotiate price. We settle on a very modest 30 bucks a person for a nice fee of 120 for the young lady, which was double what she was used to. So now its time to go get Jack and George. Well dexter says one of us has to stay, its like these crackhead pimps have some serious trust and abandonment issues or something. I shoot this look at conner, this pathetic "please don't make me stay" look and he volunteers to stay. But now Im thinking shit what the hell are we gonna tell Glen? So I get back to jack and george chilling with glen, thinking how excruciating uncomfortable there time with him has been. They get in the car and we tell Glenn we have to go get more money out for this whole deal. Glen reaches in the car window and grabs george's shirt and says well gimme 20 bucks so I know you're coming back. George coughs it up, poor guy, still feel bad about all of that. But we are finally there! we are about to realize our dream.

Now the four of us are in 144 together. Dexter collects the money, LJ pulls over the covers to reveal what I can only describe as the saddest looking vagina I wish I had never seen. It was so grey...thats all I can think of to describe that thing. Like it never made it out of Kansas and into technicolor. Conner once said while telling this story, "I couldn't tell the difference between her pussy and her asshole." Anyway that doesnt really matter because I am no looking away, not for anything. She lubes up that egg, that poor egg, and starts twisting and pushing and all I can think is "please don't break! its our only egg" She is having some serious difficulty. She asks conner to hand her her purse at which point she pulls out a pipe and starts smoking crack. Yes crack, fucking crack. Jack really couldn't handle this and walks away for a moment. I see him staring at himself in the bathroom area mirror, his eyes filled with a level of disappointed reserved for parents at their children. But the show must go on. She is working that bitch in there, we can see our dream becoming a reality. Then dexter opens the door and gives a 3 minute warning. A THREE MINUTE WARNING, that was not part of the deal. Luckily though our girl LJ had our backs and said don't worry about it im almost there I got it. And by god she got it. Her vagina swallowed that egg like im sure its seen LJ do to many a penis. She sat up, got herself in the Hen position, and that bad boy popped out unharmed.

At this point, its actually my favorite part of the whole thing because this was not planned but we were perfectly in sync. We all just gave her a firm golf clap round of applause. That's when we left. Any questions? I'll post the AMA soon i suppose and probably link it here.

We were supposed to never tell this story to a single soul, but at my buddy's funeral that was definitely broken when I told Jack's mom about it and a lot of people there heard it as well."