Not proud of this! I am going to try to give this story without too much backstory. When I was 17 and in high school I lost my virginity to a person in a position of power. We slept together a few times. 26 year old. That part was not my fault and it is what it is, I’m honestly fine about it. He was single and had 1 daughter. When I was 18 and in college he would check in on me periodically, partially because he cared for me and partially because he didn’t want me to tell on him and wanted to do a “pulse check” I’m sure. All of those convos were normal and innocent, much like a mentor or a friend (awful, I know). He eventually met a woman and quickly got engaged to her…probably like 6 months after they met. I was happy for him.
Right before I turned 19, when he was probably 27 or freshly 28 (birthday in July and this was late summer that year I’m positive), after he was engaged, he messaged me while at work and was sending some rather questionable messages. This was not how we normally caught up. I was on the verge of ending things with my boyfriend at the time (long distance, mid twenties). My boyfriend was cheating on me due to being a womanizer and due to the long distance and I was aware of that, so I was emotionally checked out and navigating how to end things. Whatever, no excuses.
Anyways, his check in gets very flirty on his end and I was like whatever I’ll roll with this and entertain it. I felt single even though I was not and had never cheated on my ex, not even once or for a second. He was saying how he still thought of me, how good I felt, etc. And I was very much on the “oh really? Tell me more” train. I know for a fact I did not say anything about missing him, but I definitely wasn’t shutting a thing down.
Long story short, it got to the point he was sending me photos and videos of his junk hard as a rock and even send a video eventually jacking off in the bathroom at his job. I was really turned on honestly because he was an attractive man, so I fed into it. I didn’t send any photos or videos, but I did say things I shouldn’t have in the moment. Bad things. For instance, I got so worked up messaging I played with myself until I got off several times and I 100% told him that. The fact it was wrong made me feel very hot.
I immediately felt guilt after he got off and I was like regardless of me ending this relationship, you are engaged and this is wrong. I shouldn’t have responded to you or allowed this chat to continue. I was like I’m not interested in you or this happening again. This was a horrible idea in the heat of the moment. He was like can we keep this a secret? I’ve never done this before and blah blah. And I admittedly said absolutely, I don’t care to discuss this ever again…never happened.
I deleted the messages. I did end up admitting this to my ex boyfriend as I was breaking up with him. Like I said, long distance so we didn’t end up ever seeing one another in person again after this event so as wrong as it is on all fronts, I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping with this guy ever again and was like “I can get over this mistake I made, because it is what it is.” He knew who this guy was from me telling him how I lost my virginity and was like you cannot be serious. We had like a four hour breakup over the phone and that was one thing I said because I couldn’t walk away not being blunt. I was like yeah, I messed up like two weeks before ending this. But like I said, this guy knew he stepped out on me with at least two women at some point physically, which a month or so later I got him to admit, so he was like well you are breaking up with my anyways so. He just knew my character was better than that and was shocked I would do that with not only that man, but an engaged man at that.
Easily my worst moment and I do feel bad for that. And yes they got married. About a year later, with his wife’s permission (allegedly), he showed up at my apartment and we caught up as friends. Was short and sweet and we discussed how we first got together and how it wasn’t a great idea. I was so over him and with my now partner (who also knows all of this and was okay with it). Nothing happened.
He left and messaged me shortly after being like “it was great seeing you” and saying it made him think of me again and how had things been different we could have been together. Horrible messages. I remember him writing seeing my smile again made him think. I shut it down immediately and showed the messages to my partner, who was like I don’t want you to be friends with this guy ever again. I was like it’s done. And I’ve never conversed or responded to him since.
He didn’t have social media. I do not know his wife’s name but know they have 2 daughters now together, 3 in total. I would never ruin someone’s life over something this guy and I messaged almost 10 years ago. I surely hope that moment freaked him out and he never did it to her again.
And like I said, I still feel horrible about that. But I allowed it to happen and won’t lie, I got off on it while it did. Terrible decision by 18 year old me and a lesson learned. This is my very very very candid post here.
And no, I’ve never cheated on a partner since. That was my one moment of weakness. And once again, even if I was about to end things, this man was engaged and I still technically had a boyfriend. 0/10 do not recommend.