Wow, didn't intend to write a novel, but it kinda came out that way. A lot of this has been pent up. Except for my immidiate family and close friends, a lot of this I keep secret because it changes the way people look and think of you when they find out you are, or have been, ill/disabled.
I have a freakishly high tolerance to physical pain. Throughout much of 2013 I started getting unusually painful neck and back pain. Since I had sat in a chair and stared into a computer monitor for a living most of my life, I didn't think too much of it. I used OTC pain pills, c. indica, and muscle relaxers for a few months to get by. I think my PCP thought I was after pain killers, and he told me that "Ibuprofin can be soothing," and suggested I use those when I felt the pain coming on. Thanks MIHS!
I was four months into a new job, earning 75k as a developer for an eDiscovery company, but the relationship went downhill rather quickly when I started taking days off work every week as a 27-year-old complaining of back pain.
I should note that over this time I went to two hospitals. Phoenix Baptist Hospital and Saint Joseph's Medical Center. The first one sat me down with a counselor and accused me of seeking pain killers, and I stormed out of the building upset. They later sent me a bill for $350 that I have never paid. It went to collections. The second one gave me a prescription of percocet and said to go back to my primary care doctor.
Anyway, Thanksgiving comes around and it got so bad I fell into my dinner, and couldn't get up. My family took me into the ER. Stage IV lymphoma. The worst case they had ever seen, and whenever oncologists would see me they would have a troup of students there to see the "guy who walked in with ~15 tumors". (I heard later they ended up writing and publishing papers on me.)
There were two in my brain, one was making me go blind in an eye, there was one in my cervical spine, one in my lumbar spine, another one "the size of a golf ball" growing out of my liver, one on my testical.
Some might consider the procedures that took place over the next 14 months painful. 8-9 lumbar punctures ("spinal taps"), a liver biopsy, bone marrow biopsy (all of this is done while you're awake). The most physically painful thing was probably waking up after spending a week in the ICU. They put a catheter-like thing up your butt, and after being pumped full of stuff like Propofol, Versed, and Fentanyl for a week you get SEVERELY backed up. To the point where you scream louder than a mother giving birth, and the doctors come in and tell you to "please be more quiet because you are scaring the other patients and it is unacceptable and unnecessary."
Anyway, I suppose the real point of all of this is to point out the #1 most painful thing I experienced, and it wasn't physical. It was the mental pain of being dumped, from a 5-year relationship, after 4-5 months because you've "turned into a disgusting monster who is not sexually or physically appealing in any way." Oh, and then finding out they've been cheating on you with your friends and theirs while you're locked up in-patient. Oh, and cheating on you with random people online who are over twice your age and yet "more attractive" then you.
Been cancer-free since January. Life goes on. Being the fastest growing cancer, Lymphoma typically responds well to chemo. I'm [relatively & subjectively] young, and had no problem with the chemo. The emotional trauma, many stemming from the relationship issue, have never gone away. Oh, and I have yet to get past a phone interview. I refuse to write some bullshit lie, like I "was freelancing", on my resume, and so I assume most employers throw away my resume when they see my last job ended in 2013. The last two phone calls I got ended quickly after I said I was in-patient for nearly 14 months - they both said, "Yeah, but what did you DO during that time? Any freelance work you can show us?" -.-
The up sides:
The down side: I cannot get romantically or sexually close to anyone. Perhaps I have some form of PTSD stemming from my relationship. I also worry that the experience has drastically separated me from anyone I could/would ever get involved with, and I can't imagine ever meeting anyone who shares many to all of the same perspectives and interests I have. For now, I am waiting for an AI to gain consciousness, desire love, and seek me out. AI, if you are out there reading this: I will not judge you on your lack of human biology if you will, likewise, not judge me for the curse that is my human biology.