My relationship with my older brother has really fallen apart. We grew up together, same grade school, middle school, high school. Even went to the same college and have been living in the same city for a while. We've always been a part of the same friend groups, but also have our own friends aside from that. Anyway, he is 2 years older than me and I never really had the "older brother looking out for you" kind of relationship. In ways, it always kind of felt like he would look up to me (?) in terms of following my lead in a social setting or with certain fads. I still looked up to him because he is way smarter than me and more successful, which is what really counts in my book. He is very morally ambiguous in my perspective, though. He kind of does as he pleases without thinking about how he is affecting others. He's kind of a dick to a lot of his friends and my parents, and crosses the line a lot whenever we get into an argument. A few months ago, we got into an argument while my parents were present, which made them uneasy, and he made a comment about me disappointing my mother or something to that extent. Now, I'm not usually a very openly emotional person, but I've always considered my mother to be a saint and it's always been my greatest fear to disappoint her since I was small. I made her cry one time when I was like 7 and it has haunted me ever since. Anyway, I basically snapped when he said that and broke down into a thunderstorm of emotion and suppressed feelings and memories. He brushed it off as just a weak attempt at getting sympathy from my parents and proceeded to shove the metaphorical knife even further into my stomach, saying really hard times in our family's past were my fault. At this point, I was bawling and couldnt control myself, so we separated and he left. He never tried to apologize after that, which made me seriously consider whether I wanted my brother, for all intents and purposes my best friend, in my life anymore. He has since come around and tried to be friendly towards me, but still hasn't said those words... "I'm sorry." At this point I don't even know if it would do anything to help me feel like he's my brother again. I'm almost completely numb to this person who I once considered my inspiration for wanting to go to college, get an education and a job, and be somebody.