I thought back to when I was 14, all Adidas-ed up on the crumbling walls of my housing estate, cudding Juicy Fruit and adoring a new bad boy every week. The straight and narrow was for idiots. I could've at least learned how to hotwire a car.
The Micra sat mutely watching me, all small and silver and smug. And very very still. I knew I had to be there, things had been going so well with Connor the past while and letting him down on his birthday would undo everything.
25 past. Christ. I checked my pockets again, just in case. My memory is so bad now that maybe... But nothing. A wave of frustration roiled in my belly - my not being there is exactly what David would love. I could picture him leaning towards Connor, all buddy-buddy like, gathering his features together in what he thought to be a sympathetic expression. 'Ah, Connor mate', he'd say, 'I'm sorry about your Mum not coming, but she can't help the way she is, you know, after what happened. I know she loves you, deep down.' Gentle gaze. Soft punch in the arm cause that's what they do in the movies. Fucker.
I was going to be late now, but I was going to be there. I called the taxi company. I guess they saved my number because the lady there always greets me by name. Today she says, 'Sorry Amy, it's out to the airport till 4 at least.'
No no no no.
'I can send a normal one if you like? One of the lads can help you in and out.'
'No. No, it's fine. Thank you. Bye,' I reply. I can't stand the thought of being dragged around like a ragdoll, not for Connor to see. He already thinks I'm broken and alien.
It looks like I can't go then. I should call Connor, but... No, I mean I'd just be disrupting the party at this point. I'll call tomorrow. Or Tuesday - Tuesday is his actual birthday anyway.
I turn my phone off, just in case.
As I line my chair up next to the sofa, I see a shimmering in the corner of my eye. A fat bunch of keys next to my coffee mug, as if they'd been sitting there the whole time.
But it's far too late to leave now. I really would have gone if I hadn't lost my keys.