There are also instances where the parents were legit mean, or made legit mistakes.

For example, my mom would scold/manipulate me into making decisions she deems productive for myself. I get that she wants to avoid confrontation, but I in the end I still confronted her. She doesn't accept "no" for an answer. I'm not refering to stuff like sex, SO or drugs. This is my course of study, career, moving out etc. Even when it comes to trivial shit like clothes, bags or hobbies, I'm scolded/teased for not nailing those or just listening to cousins who know better. My mom has lamented that I don't have a "style" or an "interest", but how could I when she never allowed me to discover shit in the first place? Just leave me alone.

My dad is a disciplinarian. More often than not, his expectations clashes with my mom's, and instead of talking to each other about it, they scold us. I've seen parents who communicate, or just "oh mom said this?". Heck I work with 2 bosses and I've never had to worry about one of them getting angry. "X wants things like this, do you want me to change it?" THATS ALL.

I confronted my parents about all this lately, because as a child, complaining about any of this was wrong.

My mom said "I won't apologise for doing my best" but that's not what I'm asking for lol. I get it that you're tired etc, but I want them to understand that I held out for 20+ years AS THEY WANTED, hoping that they'd change their behaviour, but it never happened until I refused to hold out... And then they complain "why have you never told us". Just apologise and do not repeat any of the bs. Tho legit, I actually want her to take away all the suppressed emotions. Or perhaps teach my mom can teach me to navigate all the suppressed emotions (yeah my mom doesn't teach us the neccessary shit like housework, but minds the unnecessary stuff)