I feel you. I am supposed to be celebrating my birthday in couple of days. House is a mess, I am broke, my passport, wallet, eye glasses and phone are all lost/broken, I can't get a hold of anything. I collected strength for several hours to walk few meters and visit my neighbour. And I waste my strength worrying about other people's wellbeing when writing this down I realized I might be bit of a mess myself. I need to engage all these moving parts one at a time without viewing them as this huge spinning machine and learn to ask for help. I need to keep my small routines even if I have not done them for weeks. I seem to be going from great heights of happiness and energy to worrying lows, and it sometimes makes me wonder

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And I need to stop chain smoking indoors ffs. I feel gross as hell. None of this is no way to live and I can totally do better.