I was gonna use a throwaway but I couldn't remember the password and then I realized I was just adding to the stigma that already exists around herpes.
I have type 1 but in the genital area. I'm fairly active and eat healthy so I only ever had the first outbreak and nothing since (though my overly cautious nature and paranoia make me wonder).
When I first got it I thought my life was over.
Having lived with it for close to two years the only thing I do differently now is that I wash my hands compulsively because I'm super-paranoid of it spreading to other parts of my body where it could be visible, harmful, or spread to someone I care about unintentionally (though in all likelihood it never will).
Dating wise, it's an awkward conversation but no girl has ever said no because of it.
My attitude about the disease and sex has changed as a result of living with the disease.
I used to think anyone with it should be quarantined for the rest of their lives. When I got it, I did all the research I should have done when disease free.
I also thought I had to inform everyone I wanted to have sex with. But a lot of that came from the guilt about how I got it.
Now I feel everyone has to take the responsibility on themselves to ask the other person if they have any STDs.
Herpes does make one more likely to catch another STD and I got lucky in that it wasn't HIV or AIDS and I plan to never catch anything else ever again. So I'm far more proactive than simply wearing a condom and assuming that alone will protect me.
So now I ask if they have or had anything. I take on that responsibility to avoid anything worse.
At the same time it's extremely difficult to get and to pass on, so I don't feel obligated to tell every potential sexual partner I have it unless she asks because:
1) statistically speaking you're not gonna get the disease from me as much as you are as likely to get it from someone who has it and doesn't know it because I'm not gonna be having sex when I feel an outbreak coming on 2) you probably already have it and don't know it and 3) it's not solely my responsibility to tell. Your sexual health is your responsibility. Act like it.
That said, just because I don't feel obligated to tell doesn't mean I don't tell. Practically speaking, telling someone I had sex with that I have herpes after I had sex with her guarantees I'll never have sex with her again. It's more about relationship building and if I ever decide to commit to a girl, the ethics behind betrayal and trust are more important to me than if someone says no because of it (and to date no one has ever told me no because I have it).
Some facts about the disease: 60-80% of the US population already has it, chances are you already have it, it's notoriously difficult to get it or experience recurring outbreaks if your immune system is strong.
If you have it, your life isn't over. You don't have to become celibate. And you don't have to date other carriers only. Despite the stigma in the media and on reddit, herpes is not a big deal and the horror photos you find on Google are worst case scenarios.