It is an awful pain. I had a friend of mine commit suicide about 2 months ago. It was terrible, and it still is. Somedays it doesn't come to mind much, others are real bad. I'm fighting my own depression now because of this.

Here is the story, he called a mutual friend of ours and told him what he was going to do. They were much closer than he and I, so I understand why he did that. So the mutual friend calls me, in a panic and not sure what to do. I called the police immediately. Of course they asked me all sorts of questions. In the mean time I was on my way to his house. I wasn't going to go in, I was going to park nearby and wait for the police. Mostly because I knew there was a gun involved. Anyhow I drove by his house but his car wasn't there. So I parked at a nearby store and waited. The cops called me back and asked if I could bring his wife (they were recently seperated, which somewhat put all this in motion) to the hospital. The officer would not give me any more details. So I called his wife and told her I was on the way to get her. I called the officer back and told him I had found his wife and was on the way to get her. Then I just asked him point blank, is he alive? And he told me no. It was so shocking, it gives me cold chills just typing that out. Anyhow time sort of flew by and slowed down at the same time for the next few hours and days. Even after the funeral it still doesn't seem real. All I know is I miss my friend and wish I could have done something so somehow have prevented this, but I also know that was very unlikely.

All this has hurt so many people. If anyone has any thought of doing something harmful to themselves please know that no matter what you are going through and how much you think people around you don't care, there is someone who does and it's going to devastate them if you're gone.