I'm not sure if this counts because we don't actually know if she killed herself or if it was an accident, but I'll share anyways.

She was one of my best friends growing up, there was a group of 4-5 of us that were inseparable. She was the glue that held us all together in a way: the funny, outgoing friend who always kept the conversations going without any awkwardness. We all started to grow apart with college and everything moving us away, but I still thought about her all the time. We all got together one year for a sleepover, I noticed she was acting really weird and expressed my concerns. Reckless behavior, she chopped all her hair off, and latched on to a guy who wasn't super interested in her, stuff life that. I think we fought about it or her parents asked me how she was doing and I truthfully said I was worried about her. Whatever happened, I guess she was upset about it and deleted me on Facebook. A year or so later, I see her cousin (one of the girls in the group) saying something along the lines of "praying for my best friend/not ready to lose her" sort of thing. I freaked out knowing it was about the friend who was having issues. Turns out, she overdosed on drugs and was in a coma. Shortly after I found out (less than 24 hours after finding out and on the morning I was going to drive down to see her in the hospital) I found out she had passed on. My whole world got torn apart immediately after finding out. I remember walking around my campus for hours at night with a friend I had made in college, just in a daze. Crying, not able to speak but not able to be alone or sit in my bedroom. I remember calling my mom at 4 am to tell her she was in a coma and I knew she wasn't going to come out of it. I remember feeling so helpless in my dorm 2 hours away. After her death, the depression hit me really hard. I couldn't sleep, eat, go to class, go to work, barely even made it out of bed. I had trouble focusing, had to drop out of some classes to avoid failing out. I cried every single day. As the time goes on, you go on to crying every other day, then every 3 days, etc. but the pain never really goes away and the weight is always there. Her funeral was incredibly hard for all of us, I remember just sobbing the whole time. We all went up and shared stories about her. I remember being the last one to speak because it took me that long to compose myself enough to go up. I remember saying she was the one who taught me it was okay to be myself, to be weird and quirky and outgoing and thanking her for being herself. I still think about her every day, and every time I have a life event I remember she'll never experience it herself. And even though we didn't talk every day or anything towards the end, I can feel her absence in the world. It's like a light just went out. I still cry about it a lot, I still think about her every day. I still wonder if there's something else I could have done so that she would still be alive. I miss her so much and I wish I hadn't taken her existence for granted. I thought she'd always be there to talk to and now she's gone. It taught me to appreciate my friends and family while they're still here.