3. [Serious] Men who have been raped, sexually assaulted or physically abused by wo...

[Serious] Men who have been raped, sexually assaulted or physically abused by women, what is your story?

I did. I was a drunk for a while after. I pretty much gave up hope and lived pretty terribly. I am not the smartest person in the world, and being 22 at that time with no real adult experience except the one provided for you by an abusive person really destroyed any momentum I had going for me.

I moved into my own apartment and pretty much gave up. Got evicted 8 months later. I spent a lot of time too drunk to go to work. I felt that I deserved everything that happened to me. She would remind me of that. I would go to work late and not care. I had time with my son as well. As someone who was abused I didn't realize how broken I was. I thought I deserved it. Everything failing around me was my fault. I deserved to die, I deserved to be alone. She was right about me and I was a piece of shit. I was super depressed and couldn't move. I tried hurting myself a few times. I hated the pain but felt like it was worth it.

One of the few times I remember was Christmas Eve. I drank myself stupid. I was sitting in a bathtub all alone with a bottle of wine and vodka. Crying. I had made it out of that relationship, but I was so alone and missed her. I would have done anything to be in a relationship with her so I wouldn't have that feeling. I wanted to work even harder and thought I deserved it. I cried for hours and puked. Decided to drive to granny's house. That was the only time I decided to drive drunk. No one got hurt thankfully, but just because I was in pain I shouldn't potentially cause pain to someone else. That was one of a few moments of clarity I have had.

I haven't really gotten better. Things got better and worse again. I ended up in one damaging relationship after another. Using someone to fill that void that was missing. Using someone to take care of me and order me around. There was something appealing about being rebellious. I think I wanted that high. Someone to hurt me like she did. Someone to call me a fucking loser, and a piece of shit. Someone to break me down.

She started dating again. That destroyed me. I couldn't blame her, but man that one stung. I don't know why, I had spent 6 years with this person and she was gone. Even though I left, even though It was abusive. I drank more. I got my old job at a computer store that I worked at before we got married. Making shit money but I was working. I would give her any cash I had to help out with my son. My friends were getting tired of me. I don't blame them either.

I would cry and drink after my shift. Listening to Motion City because it reminded me of her. Listening to "Together We'll Ring in the New Year" on repeat.

My buddy and his gf (now ex) were having issues and she left because she was cheating. I had a moment to step up and I did. I got a job dealing cards at a local casino. I was making more money and I wasn't drinking as much. I took on a bigger roll and started seeing my little boy more. He had gotten bigger. I was finally getting somewhere.

The ex came back, and my best friends father died. They got a nice lump sum and decided to Move to Arizona. So I was homeless again. So I moved in with a few friends. Starting seeing my son every other weekend and starting being a father. Something I had lost along the break up. I met a girl online. We started dating and we were having issues. I was using her for my own personal sadistic game. I needed her to take care of me.

Umm yeah do you want me to go on?

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