Women are told over and over and over again, that they are the ones to be chased. They are not to have a sex drive of their own, because otherwise they are sluts. If a man sleeps with many women, he's a stud, if she sleeps with many men, she's a whore. Good key, bad locket, all that jazz. So women are not aloud to express their sexuality, they have to remain chaste and pure and get chased by a man. He does the hunting, until he proves himself to be worthy. At that point she may give into his wishes and have sex with him. But bot because she wants to, but because that is the price he gets for successfully chasing her. Don't believe me? Look at any women's or especially girl's magazine. There are tons of tips on how to get a guy to notice you, but not a single one on how to go up to a guy in a bar and invite him to a drink. Look at every single romantic comedy: the plot is nearly always a woman who is in some way chased by a man, refuses him and in the end he sweeps her off her feet with a grand romantic gesture. Showing up at her wedding and declaring her love, chasing her through an airport and declaring her love, doing some humiliating shit involving singing, flowers, prom night or something along those lines. Sex with a woman is something men have to earn. They have to work for it, because - always remember that - woman don't actually want sex, nooooo, they only have sex because the man has proven himself to deserve it. And god forbid any of this sex doesn't take place in missionary position on clean white sheets. Anything even slightly kinky get's you into slut-territory really fast.

Why am I telling you this? Because it makes so many things easier to understand. Your wife has it ingrained deeply in her brain, that she is the one to be chased. So you are the one to do the work, while she sits in a tower and waits for you. She has been taught not to come out of the tower and go looking for you. Which means: she has been taught that if she goes after you and initiates sex, that she is a slut. I hope this massive feminist tangent helps you understand why your wife probably acts like this.

Of course those things aren't conscious. Very few women would admit to actually think like this, but nevertheless it's in the back of everyones mind.

So what can you do about this? Well, maybe teach out children that women don't have to be chased, that sex is not something a man earns by doing nice things for a woman and that women have just as much of a sex drive as men. And that there are indeed men that have a lower sex drive than women.

But that's probably a bit late for your wife. What you can do now? Maybe encourage her to realize her own sex drive. Her power to control her sex life and the fact that it doesn't make her a slut to want sex. How to do that? I have no idea.

Sorry, I'm afraid there is not much practical advice in this wall of text, but maybe there is a bit of understanding the mechanism of our society somewhere to be found.