3. [Serious] Mentally Ill people of Reddit, what is your illness, and can you try t...

[Serious] Mentally Ill people of Reddit, what is your illness, and can you try to describe what it is like?

Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder. My SAD is not so bad as the top comment here but I can definitely relate. I find myself extremely uncomfortable and self-conscious talking to someone. The part that makes it not almost normal is it can be anyone. My best friend half the time makes me on edge and I feel like they're analyzing my every move. Turns out it's just me.

As for the depression - for me, it's this cycle where I stop feeling good/"normal" and things start to seem really ... grey. I can't explain but if you imagine 1080HD vs. the earliest film and then imagine your feelings about everything going from 1080 to grey grainy garbage, that's kind of how it feels when it begins. For instance, I really like to cook and when I'm in a good mood, I like to be around certain people and laugh and have a good time. When I start to get sad, I slowly lose interest in making food and start in laying in my bed. I find it really difficult to get out of my bed. My responsibilities, which I often take pride in or atleast can focus on, become these grueling chores that I have to besiege myself for an extended period of time to do. My apartment becomes disgusting, I stop grooming myself and I tell people I'm busy and/or I'm sick so that I don't have to interact with anyone. Oh, and the biggest thing - for me - is that things stop being funny. I'm no longer funny and I no longer think things are funny. That might sound stupid or inconsequential but humor and laughing are a big part of my life and my personality and they suddenly disappear.

Apart from the fallout of my depression, so to speak, what it feels like is a heavy-heartedness. Like I just don't have it in me to do or care about anything because I have this nagging feeling of sadness or discomfort that is literally omnipresent - it leaks into my conversations, into my opinions, into everything. Everything seems shitty and nothing seems fun or cool or anything. The world is flat and exhausting... and then I wake up from it, sort of. I start to feel more energized, more interested in things - shows entertain me again, I'm curious what this person or that person is doing or how they've been, I want to do something because my life and the world feels hopeful and normal again. I think about the future and it's not just bleak and ugly anymore, it's full of potential and adventure. Rinse and repeat.

TL;DR: Not fun. Not rational.

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