I’ll start and break the ice…I’ve always had suicidal thoughts and self-harming tendencies, but never made an actual attempt until my last year of college. College was a rough couple of years for me, after going through a bad breakup and essentially being trapped in a major I hated because my GPA was too low to transfer out. My last year I had to complete my thesis, but I really had no will or desire to do much of anything at that point, let alone a project I was on the verge of failing. I had fallen into a cycle of ignoring all my responsibilities and obligations and isolating myself from my friends. I honestly just didn’t want to deal with life anymore. So one night I got really drunk and took a bunch of Prozac and figured that would be the end of it. Obviously I didn’t take enough because I just spent the next day violently throwing up. This happened right around the end of the year, so I decided to make a resolution for the new year to get my shit together and figure my life out. Right now I’m finishing up grad school on a scholarship, and have some post-graduation job opportunities. I think ultimately I’m glad I didn’t die, but I still often feel lost and make terrible decisions and have meltdowns, and it takes a lot of strength to keep going. But I think this way there’s at least the possibility of making things better and having a happy life. Anyway, I always find it cathartic to share secrets with internet strangers, I don’t tell people IRL about the extent of my mental health issues because I just don’t want to deal with that. So I hope that others feel some relief too at being able to share a deeper darker part of themselves.