I've worked with good men and good women and bad men and bad women. What separated the two is capability, culpability, and cooperation. I want to work with capable people who are accountable for their work and who work well as a team. When someone doesn't work-out with me, it's usually for one of those three reasons. Of the women I've worked with that I did not think highly of, their biggest problems were in the areas of cooperation. Meaning they didn't get along with the rest of the team, often because they had a predisposition about the workplace or a bias against any kind of criticism. Like, they were too over-reactive or otherwise came in the door ready to fight their all-male team.

Capability is an important quality to have, but people can be taught on the job how to do something, so it's not as critical that they come in with capability. Culpability, or being responsible for their actions, is typically learned over time and comes with maturity. Men and women make equal mistakes with culpability as far as I'm concerned. It's more of an age difference vs gender.

I think that when women are raised in an environment in which they are taught that there NEEDS to be extra support "because they are women" sets them up for failure from the start. You saying that women need to be twice as good as men only reinforces an incorrect prejudice (a prejudice that the men you work with are automatically prejudiced themselves). Also, your belief that women are afraid to ask questions also reinforces that stigma. If someone gives you shit about asking dumb questions, it's a problem on their end, not yours. It's a problem that men and women alike sometimes face, but in my experience, no one ridicules anyone for asking questions. They only give them shit because they didn't take the time to Google an answer first. Asking too many questions can be akin to making other people do your work for you. (Thus why we have LMGTFY.COM)

The last woman I worked with, who didn't work out, was a problem because she was emotionally unfit to deal with the reality of the corporate work place. Granted she was under-skilled as well, everyone else on my team didn't see that as a problem. The problem was that she quickly created a wall between herself and the rest of the team and viewed us all as if we were all against her from the start. Like she was an intruder. We even had a pizza party for the team to try to do some teambuilding and she refused to come. She just had it in her head that she was different and that we were all treating her differently because she was a girl. 90% of the problems she had on the job were due to her thinking this way. She created her own mess. Probably because someone taught her that "that's just how it is when you work with men."