Boy this is going to be long. Finally a chance to have a rant.

To start with, I miss home. I moved to the USA with my husband 2.5 years ago. Our marriage is going through a rough spot and we're working hard at it but it's difficult at times. There have been times when I wanted to throw the towel in so bad, and times when I think that starting all over, with nothing, would be easier than this. We married young and quickly, so there was still a lot to learn about each other, post-marriage. I think we'll make it work.

I no longer speak with my parents after they asked to borrow (then emotionally blackmailed me into giving them) a large amount of money for an investment, which they then claimed to lose when we needed it back. When confronting them about this and their situation (they moved to a foreign country and are involved heavily in swinging - no joke, we found their online profile!) they told me I was the one in the wrong, and all sorts of nonsensical stuff. I think they are having their own problems but after a turbulent childhood with them (no physical or sexual abuse but mental abuse (mother) and alcoholism (both)) I decided maybe it was best to cut contact with them. It's been a year and they have not once tried to contact me. Dealing with rejection on that scale, from two people who are supposed to love you more than anyone else, was really tough.

Back to living here, I'm not really living the life I thought I would be. I'm a few years shy of 30, so still young. I earn good money but in a job I dislike with a boss who is a complete narcissist. I want to get out but I'm not sure where or to what.

I've also been pretty sad recently about my inability to retain close and meaningful relationships with friends and family members. Not being in touch with Aunts and Uncles was partly because my parents did not keep in touch with their siblings. My dad's family hate my mother. For years I didn't understand why they always excluded us from things but as I've gotten older and come to realize what type of people my parents are, it makes more sense. I've also met these aunts and uncles as an adult and turns out I don't particularly like them much! My mother didn't speak to her siblings for years either, asides from 1 sister, so there wasn't much of a chance to get to know them either.

I question myself. Maybe it's me. They say if it smells like shit everywhere you go you had better check your shoe. I don't have very many friends and my own parents turned on me. I am just so full of self-doubt and have so many questions about myself. That makes me feel pretty sad.