Overall, it is fine. The first time I put a name to it and started taking medication was about nine years ago, when I was around 15. I had an eating disorder and in getting treated for that they told me I was depressed as well. I can't remember well enough how it felt back then, and I wasn't thinking clearly because I was extremely undernourished, so I don't remember it to be as awful in the beginning. I started taking an SSRI at 16, and was up and down throughout high school, but it never completely took over my life. When I went to university, it got progressively worse, to the point where after three years of faltering progress in my degree I finally imploded and just stopped going to class. That was the worst time in my depression; I lost all sense of reality or happiness. I stopped doing things that were beneficial, like exercising and eating well, because I just didn't have the energy or motivation, and I knew that I was ruining my life but I couldn't get it together to stop self-destructing.

Eventually I moved back to my mom's place in a different region. I started taking Wellbutrin, which had such a profound effect on my mood that I thought I was having a manic episode. I got my life together, got a job and moved out of my mom's place, and basically now I live day to day, diligently doing all of the things I have learned help me, and avoiding things that I know can set me off.

Things are up and down; every few months I will have a few weeks of awful depression, but in general I am content. I stopped taking any medications because even wellbutrin seemed to stop having an effect, and I got tired of the roller-coaster of trying new medications. I mostly control it through exercise, having a very predictable routine with little stress, and being mindful of how I deal with the stress that does come along. I also never drink alcohol at all, because I am always extremely depressed the next day, and I don't smoke weed for the same reason. I tried taking birth control a few months ago and it sent me into an incredibly deep depression, so even that is off the table until I get up the courage to try a different type. Basically, I live a very rigid and dull life, because I have learned that I am the type of person who needs to work at being happy. But it is worth all of the work just to be free of that feeling.